miércoles, 18 de julio de 2007

Amnesia

Querido Diario,

Hace un tiempo, viendo Grey's Anatomy me convencí de contar el episodio de hidrocefalia que viví el año pasado. Pasado pisado. Cero issues there. Pero esta semana, viendo otro episodio más, me acordé de una consecuencia un poco scary y que casi no recuerdo y que espero nunca mas me vuelva a ocurrir: La Amnesia.

Amnesia no porque me acuerde o no de los dolores de cabeza, de la hospitalizada y esas cosas, pero esa amnesia tonta, chiquita y que a nadie le he contado pero que a muchos algo les he mencionado. Y es que es difícil decirlo y mas aun transmitir lo vivido.


Después de operada, tuve conciencia por segundos durante los 5 días que estuve en UCI. Por puchitos me acuerdo abrir los ojos y estar sola en una habitación. Dormir. Abrir los ojos y sentir a una enfermera cambiándome ese tubito que se mete por las venas y que no me acuerdo pero que me dejo la mano morada. Me trajinaba con la aguja. Duermo otra vez. Abro el ojo y veo a alguien que creo que es mi mamá. Solo podían entrar 15 minutos al día personas una por una. Me dormí otra vez. Pastillas. Dormir. Silencio absoluto, me fastidia la mano, donde estoy? quien hace bulla? Dormir. 3789 doctores rodeandome, mi neurocirujano a la cabecera. Abro el ojo, para que abrí el ojo!!!! Holaaaaaaaaaaa, yo soy tu enfermera Nº1, yo fui tu anestesista, este es el doctor de turno, tu neurólogo, otro neurólogo, otra enfermera.....Dormir.

5 días después, me estaban moviendo, abrí el ojo otra vez, me movían mas, que frío hace, salimos a un ascensor, mil personas al rededor otra vez, el viaje seguía. Dormí. Me desperté no se cuando, otra vez y muchas veces mas. Me movían, me cambiaban las sabanas conmigo metida en la cama. Me cambiaban el suero, me lavaban los dientes. Me movían mucho. Yo dormía. Me bañaban, me hablaban. Pero un día desperté.

A nadie le he contado que me desperté, miré, me miraron, me miré las manos, como cuando eres un bebito y vas descubriendo tu cuerpo? tal cual, me miré las manos y tenía cinco dedos en cada una. Todo bien. Asumí que todo bien. Algún lugar de mi cerebro me dijo que estaba bien tener 5 dedos en cada mano. Tenia las uñas pintadas, manicure francesa. Perfecto.

Luego miré por debajo de la frazada y tenia piernas, dos, en su sitio, pero no las podía mover. Pesaban, me cansaba, sentía que me desmayaba, así que mejor no las muevo y no las moví por 5 días mas.

Ya van 10 días creo, varios.

Que me pasó?
No te acuerdas?
No. Que me pasó?
Ya te operaron.
De qué?
De tus dolores de cabeza, te acuerdas que morías de dolores de cabeza?
No. Esta nublado, porque está nublado?
Porque es todavía es Octubre, hace frío, tápate.
Octubre? No!!! Que, que Octubre.....si to acabo de llegar de viaje??? Dónde está Jossy??? Ella sabe!!!
Tu estuviste de viaje en Mayo. Hace 5 meses. Ahora es Octubre (y la cara de mi mami era de asustada, ella no sabia de esta posible consecuencia).

Buenos días señorita!, me saludó el doctor.
Buenos días.
Que seria hijita, me dijo mi mamá.
La miré, no entendí. Seria? Cómo se supone que uno saluda a un doctor?
Lo miré a él, no paraba de sonreirme, era un doctor joven unos 35 años como máximo. No te acuerdas de mi, no? Me dijo.
No, le respondí. Porque debería?
Mi mama se asustó, otra vez.
El fue el doctor que te internó, él te hizo tu historia médica....estuviste conversando con él por horas un día antes de operarte. Con voz de mas susto. Le contaste todo hijita! En que trabajas, que te pasó, que no te pasó. Que si estabas soltera, porque estabas soltera, a que universidad fuiste...al final se dieron cuenta que tu psiquiatra, ha sido su profesor en la Universidad. Son intimos.
No, no me acuerdo (y deja de mirarme con cara de que me conoces porque NO ME CONOCES!!!!). Vino a verme varias veces mas, era el doctor encargado de ese piso.

Ahorita llega tu hermana. Está cuadrando el carro.
Como le va en su embarazo?
Mi mamá se desfiguró por completo.
Es mas, mamá, que haces acá? tu no estabas en Cuzco con ella??? Tienes que ayudarla hasta que de a luz!!! Ya sabemos si será niño o niña?
Seren (con cara de amor y susto), tu hermana ya dio a luz hace días, fue un hombrecito. Estamos en Octubre. Yo fui a ver a tu hermana en Febrero.
Ahora mi cara era de susto.
Cómo que ya dio a luz? Cuando? y yo? Donde estaba? Como así?
Y entro mi hermana con un bebe de casi una semana de nacido. Andreas bebé. Hermoso bebé. Y esa es la sillita del coche con silla que le regalaste en su baby shower...te acuerdas?
Baby shower? cuando????
Hace 20 días.
Coche??? Silla???? (y es que quería cantar cuando la cama me da vueltas, pero era el mundo el que me daba vueltas)

Mamá, dices que estamos en Octubre, no?
Sí.
Y hasta cuando trabajé? digo, trabajo, no????
Hasta hace poco.
Y cuando podré volver a trabajar?
No lo sabemos.
Porqué?
Ya tu doctor te va a explicar.
Que me tiene que explicar?
Es que hay un tumor.
Qué tumor....dónde????
En la cabeza, cerca de donde te operaron, pero no pudieron llegar a él. En unos días te dan de alta y luego vuelves a entrar, para otra crujía.
Lágrimas. Lágrimas y mas lágrimas.

Qué me pasó? Cómo me pasó? Por qué me paso?

Sé que ya pasó y que no importa ya todo eso, pero quiero que sepan que es difícil para alguien no recordar, el hecho de despertarte como de una borrachera sin saber que hiciste, pero sabiendo que no es una borrachera y que no sabes cuando sabrás qué fue lo que hiciste. Se siente feo, y hasta ahora no lo recuerdo. Tengo amnesia querido diario, hasta ahora tengo amnesia.

61 comentarios:

Imberbe_Muchacho dijo...

dicen quew a veces la mente bloquea los recuedos feos, pero no creo que ese seatu caso, tu caso es que pasaste por algoi muy fuerte y tal vez esa era una consecuencia. Animos, que en los recuerdos no esta la felicidad, por mas felices que sean
En el presente que vives esta lo bello

Unknown dijo...

que fuerte seren. felizmente todo está ok ahora.

MamiBrujita dijo...

Lo importante es que ahora esta bien. Y que te acuerdas de tu Chepis!!

darling dijo...

Pensé lo mismo que Mu: Q FUERTE!

Pero piensa que es un bajo precio x haberte curado. Sólo perdiste unos meses de memoria. Hay otra gente que tiene que reconstruir todo, desde el inicio.

Además, quién sabe en cualquier momento pum! vuelven los recuerdos!

Abrazo!

mirandoelalma dijo...

Que difícil y que fuerte poder decirlo, pero una bendición que lo estes contando, bien por tí y por losque te quieren la memoria volverá pero la vida pudo no haber vuelto....Seguimos adelante:)

Reivajss dijo...

al leer vino a mi mente la película... "como si fuera la primera vez" (50 first dates)...
Aveces la vida pone pruebas duras, que dejan marcas...
que suerte que tuviste a tu ma a tu lado

Serch dijo...

Puchis mi querida seren...
Joder que pa fuerte no te gana nadie eh...
Como dice imberbe, no importa, lo bello de tu vida esta en tu presente...
y of course... me ocnociste pes...para que mas??
jajajaja
un besote y un abrazote estimada...
insisto... duro todo eso...
un abrazote mas... saludos

schatz67 dijo...

No debe ser fácil recordar esos momentos.Más aun cuando no tienes completamente claro que poco o mucho se te ha quedado por ahí en el largo parentesis que te tomó el salir de ese trance.

Es bueno saber que todo esta bien ahora.Y mejor saber que valoras y abrazas la vida como no muchos pueden hacerlo(con elegancia total además)

Un abrazo

Schatz

Dragón del 96 dijo...

Conozco una chica como tu que aun tiene episodios asi. Ahora que lo pienso, conozco mucha gente asi. Y no se si todos seran amnesicos en serio.

En toda mi vida solo recuerdo haber perdido 5 segundos y fue cuando cai de espaldas y de cabeza de una altura de dos metros. Cuando abri los ojos estaba rodeado de 12 personas y al dia siguiente ya no podia fumar ni tomar nada frio.

Slaudos.

Jassy dijo...

Pues yo quiero decirte gracias y que te admiro más por haber podido hablar de eso que para ti es tan duro y dificil. Tu misma dijiste que ya paso y que lo importante es lo que tienes ahora, despertaste, estas aqui y nos das lecciones de vida cada vez que te leemos, bueno por lo menos a mi. Que tu presente siga siendo bello por que te lo mereces
¡un abrazo muy fuerte!

saliendo del anonimato dijo...

Abrazito Serendy :), eres fuerte y lo sabes. Gracias por compartirnos esto...
Nota aparte; me encantó lo siguiente : " Algún lugar de mi cerebro me dijo que estaba bien tener 5 dedos en cada mano. Tenia las uñas pintadas, manicure francesa. Perfecto."
... speechless =)

Mariella M dijo...

Increible! debes tener una enorme fuerza interior, pues has sabido llevar todos esos problemas, y sigues fuerte y con la capacidad de contarnos lo que te ocurre. Es con historias como la tuya que uno se da cuenta que debe aprovechar la vida de la mejor manera y no quejarse por los pequeños problemas de la vida diaria. Y como dice Imberbe, los recuerdos no son los únicos que te dan la felicidad.
Mucha suerte en todo
Besos

Ursula dijo...

Lo importante es que ahora estás perfectamente conciente de tu lindo presente... Muy heavy lo que te pasó realmente pero el lado bueno es que ya estás sanita y quien sabe de repente esos recuerdos vuelvan algún día.

Un abrazote

Mariella Villanueva dijo...

seren, tomalo solo como una excusa más para hacer muchas cosas y generar muchos recuerdos nuevos. un beso amiga, TQM!

El Chepis dijo...

Mi amor, si de algo sirve, haré lo posible por crear en tu corazón momentos eternos, imborrables, que ayuden a sentir esa memoria colmada, así no sientas que te falten cosas, sino que te sobran.

Te adoro, espero rebalsar tu corazón como tu rebalsas el mío.
:)

Aleinad dijo...

sabes a mi me gustaria tener una amnesia pero solo olvidar las cosas que en verdad no me quiero acordar... seria muy alusinante.

Anónimo dijo...

Wow.

Te juro, y las personas que me conocen podrían ser testigos, que me emocioné hasta una lágrima al leer este post. Como una película dramática.

Que linda historia porque tiene final feliz, pero dura definitivamente.

Wow. Que bueno que ya estés bien.

Y como no puedo hacer mucho, te dedicaré un tahuano daily pick. (mi unico regalo bloggeriano de la buena fe)

Jano

Jimena dijo...

Asu que fuerte, me has hecho llorar, y si aunque en greys anatomy hay una chica que perdio la memoria totalmente, mas te identifique con mike de desperate housewives que perdio dos años de memoria pero al final la recuperó poco a poco, tu perdiste unos meses pero lo bueno es que lo superaste y ahora te esta yendo mejor que nunca
Suerte

Anónimo dijo...

Querida Seren...

...me es dificl explicar esta situacion, pues por ser tu Diario, tambien arranque algunas hojas mentales y con ellos, algunos gratos y otros tantos no gratos recuerdos, no quiero que lo veas como un pago, ni como un trueque, ni como una consecuencia por la salud que gozas hoy en dia, eso no es asi y casi nunca la vida se comporta asi.

Sin embargo es oportunidad de aprovechar esta situacion para valorar cada recuerdo que hoy en dia construimos, pues guardamos y tenemos la experiencia de borrar recuerdos familiares que significan mucho hoy en dia en este mundo.

Aprovechemos esta experiencia para valorar cada recuerdo que hoy en dia conquistamos.

Con aprecio.

Tu querido diario

PasajeraEnTransito dijo...

Que fuerte si, pero que lindo que tienes a tu lado gente que te quiere y mantiene tus recuerdos vivos. Y que loco que mi cara te sea familiar....(!)
(Estoy leyendo tus post pasados asi que no te sorprenda que comento cosas de años mil AC)

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